Let the bad times roll...and the good ones, too.

Lately we've been quite absent in the blog but that doesn't mean we stopped loving each other, that doesn't mean our lives aren't fun and hectic...it's just we've been quite busy with all of that, and now we're back to tell you all about it.

I have to admit, my life's been quite a mess (and not all bad, I'm just not prepared for all this shit) in every single possible way, after that terrible depression from December (don't get me wrong, I'm not depressive, I only had this one terrible month at the end of last year).

I started college (finally) this year, and concerning this topic, I had some cold feet in the middle of the semester about the major I'd chosen. 

But warming up into the important topic here, I'm gonna start from the beginning: we met last year at a close mutual friend's arty and we only spoke a couple of times because he lives quite away. We started speaking around Jan and hit it off right away, he liked me, and the fact that he was so wrong and unavailable for me, made him so desirable to me...despite that he was not that attractive, I starting liking him and wanting all about him after 3 months speaking...and Spring break was coming, and we were about to meet. Long story short, he told me he was seeing someone, truth is, I was seeing someone too, here in my city. We saw each other, and for the first time in my life I felt so many things at the same time.

It's true about me, that I'm kind of a guy when it comes to feelings and relationships, as my friends say...I'm a little jerk about it, I find it hard to trust and hard to love someone that way. 

Previously, and correct me if I'm wrong, or if that post was deleted, but you know I made some mistakes last year, when it comes to guys...speaking more specifically, I behaved a little with the morals of a guy...if you know what I mean...

Okay, so getting back in track, I felt I didn't care about anything, I wanted to do whatever I wanted, no matter the consequences and no matter what my heart and mind told me: it was all wrong, and the price, I had to pay with guilt and hardness in heart. I wanted all of him so bad, and I couldn't understand why; I wanted him to remember me, have something from me, that even if it was easy for him to get from other women, I wanted to give to him, and to have me as a good reference about it.

I know my attributes, I feel better looking and I know that I was the one he wanted to be with...but the coldness in his heart only expressed how he could only think one minute at a time, and that speaking and skypeing with me every day for three months, meant nothing from one day to another. 

I thought I was tough and could handle all of it, but when he left, it was exactly like Gotye's song, he was just somebody that I USED to know...or at least the little part he showed me, and I liked...I tried so many new things, I learned new things, and experienced so many new stuff...(don't get me wrong, not everything I say has to do with sex)...even if I confess that I am kind of like a guy about it...I think about sex almost all the time....jajaja

Well, I thought everything wouldn't matter when he left because I had someone here...but when things got tense and that thing I had with this other guy made me realize how consuming that was, I couldn't stop thinking of him, and how bad I wanted him...because I couldn't make him mine, not even when he was here...but I felt happy when we were together, that was the only moment I didn't feel wasted, and I like those memories, and I cherish them, because that's all I'm gonna have.

The thing with the guy here didn't work, and I started weighing opportunities other guys, and the ones I had friend-zoned so bad...how much I deserved guys like them...but I didn't want to do it only for the heck of not being alone...

So here I am, finally ending this semester, still having some second thoughts, and well....we still speak to each other, I have to admit I'm in great terms with all of those guys...friends and...well...whatever you want to call the other two...I wanted to see him again, and the only thing that made my feet come back to the ground, was the fact that he told me some cold truth, and I loved that, I loved that so much, that even if the rest of my life is full of other complicated stuff, he makes me tougher, and better in some awesome way...I love that.

I'm not sorry for this long post, it makes me feel relieved. I AM sorry that I'm not gonna post some of those hipster/emo/kinda-weird pictures, I just don't like them...maybe one day I find some cool pictures worth posting here from my behalf...and I know you'll enjoy them.

The desire is not going anywhere, but I'm still here, and I'm glad I feel that way, because it makes me human. There's nothing wrong with how you feel, because they are your feelings, no one can judge them, they are simply yours.

Happily trying to make this easier to get written, and to be responsible, 

lots of love

-Me :)

Everything Has An End

“When life offers you a dream so  far beyond any of your expectations, 

it’s not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.” -Twilight

What happens when you meet someone soooo special, sweet, caring...perfect? Usually we start to doubt, right? Is he acting? Lying? Or...why me? I'm sure he can find someone prettier, smarter, funnier...Well let me tell you something...Trust in yourself, don't question him and don't question the magic. Ok, yes, maybe he's lying, and its very probable that things might end, and they might end bad, and you might end hurt...but even if that happens, the smile you once had was real, and what you felt was real...and you should never regret anything that once made you smile. So we know that when things are too good to be true, they are usually not...but is not worth to walk away, just out of fear of getting hurt, because even if your fairytale tears apart, it would still have been a farytale once. And its way better to look back and say “It was good while it lasted” than look back and say “I wonder what would have happened”, because if something ends quick, it doesn't mean it wasn't meant to be, it means it was meant to be, just not forever.

-Claire

HELLO AGAIN!

Ok, so, I'm really sorry I haven't posted anything since November :O. I wanted to post something, but the problem was I didn't know what to write about; so I ended up doing an update on my life...For those of you who might find this not interesting (sorry to disappoint you) but I find posts to be a great way to unburden everything inside me. So here we go:

• My little brother, who I love with all my heart, turned 6 on November. He already knows how to write so he sent me this adorable letter! I cried when I saw this on the mail (as you might assume he lives in Colombia). My baby sis turned 2 on December. She's so cranky (haha) but so sweet, she even learned how to say my name so when I call she asks to speak to me, aww.
• On Christmas I got the most amazing surprise/present of all! The doorbell rang and when I opened the door my favorite uncle was standing right there with his girlfriend, which I also love! Awesome holidays with my colombian family. Also on December i broke up with my boyfriend because of other guy, haha who I dated for almost a month, until he make it very clear we were not official so I had no right to make drama over the fact that he had kissed another girl -.- did I mention already I'm a magnet for jerks? 
• On January I passed all my freaking Regents! woohoo! (Government exams which are requirement to graduate) and finished my 1st semester with an average of 96%! I have to keep up ‘cause I'm planning on applying to NYU...yes, yes for those of you who are wondering, NYU is where Dakota Fanning goes, but FYI normal people can get accepted too (with a great average, SAT scores, audition, interview, and application essay, haha good luck to me)
• On February was Valentine's Day which I spent with the most important person in my life, the truly deserver of my love...my mommy hahaha. March and what has gone by of April, have been really monotonous: school, gym, friends, work, acting...and back to school, gym, etc; with one little exception: HIS name is Ulian, Albanian, 18 years old, tall, smart, amazing...
• Finally, my artistic life: so for those of you who don't know, I'm passionate about acting, I'm doing what’s humanly possible to pursue my dream. So the good news are: I got the leading role on a NYC Film Festival contestant movie, called “Pressure”, I got casted as Jamie “the pretty, rich, popular but default bitch” which I love ‘cause it’s totally opposite of what I am. I've been part of projects such as Twylight Zones, Lectern, Bat Mitzvah Confidential (going to Cannes), The Most Amazing Christmas Play, an Ad Campaign for a new apparel line, one TV commercial and two dancing shows. 

I'm really happy since I'm starting to get paid jobs with companies like ABC and Paramount Pictures :D. Although people in the business tell me starting is a piece of cake, it’s getting to the next level (agent-leading paid jobs) where people fail.

Let me end up by saying life does have its ups and downs, but it’s all about the journey, not the destination. “The best way to make your dreams come true is to stop talking and start doing” - Walt Disney

-Claire

GOING BACK IS IMPOSSIBLE, BUT MAKING A MISTAKE ISN'T

We all wish our life had an undo button. We all have been in that situation saying “why did I do that”, “I shouldn’t have said that”, “I could have done much better”, etc…

And even if those phrases were as simple as “I should have studied for that test” or as meaningful as “why did I say I love you”, the feeling is the same, you just wish you could go back and fix everything, do it all over again, after all, everybody deserves a second chance right? But (quoting a song I love) “you don’t get another chance, life is no Nintendo game”.

That moment when you fall, that moment you said something that got you in trouble, that thing you did that hurt someone, that question you didn’t know how to answer…you, now, know how to react for those things, but somehow you wish you had knew better before. Before that mistake, before that fight, before that failure…you wish you could go back and tell yourself what’s the right thing to do…but you can’t, and you get sad, frustrated, angry, etc. remembering that moment once and twice; that 2 minutes that changed your life forever.

Recently I’ve been in that situation, a lot. I got into a fight with my mom because out of anger I said something I shouldn’t. I got my heart broken for rushing that “I like you” that was answered with an “I don’t”. I disappointed myself by missing a huge opportunity because I didn't practice my audition routine enough, and if I could go back I’ll do it all perfect this time (the way it should have been)…I’ll change that “I don’t need you” for an “I love you mom”, I’ll shut up my feelings for that guy, and I’ll definitively practice that monologue so much, I could act it in my sleep.

But since I can't and none of you can't, we resign ourselves with just the fact that we are wiser now, and hopefully we won’t mess up again in the future. Because sure, people can forgive you, but things are never the same as they were before, and sure, you have more opportunities in life, but you missed the once you wanted, and sure, you will find another significant other, but your heart will be cautious forever.

-Claire

YOU!

There's always the friend who you have known since you were a kid. The oldest friendship of all... in my case, is one of my two best friends: Izzie.

We met when we were in second grade, I was six, and our first words were: "HEY! Can you lend me the blue color?" OH! I remember, she became my best friend instantly, and I can't think in some one better than her. My life has been so much easier with her at my side; she's my big sister now... although some times I seem like the oldest: SHE'S A YEAR OLDER THAN ME! LOL

I think that she's one of that few people in my life that would never give up on me, that no mattering how, she will fight until she is capable for our friendship. The blonde and the brunette... we are the perfect mix, we are funny, sarcastic, sweet, confident... seriously, we are best friends because are parents couldn't handle us as sisters.

We have gone through a lot of things together, our holy communion, confirmation, 10 birthdays, Christmas, New Year, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and a lot more. But we have also been for each other on the bad situations... this year Izzie move to another school, it was a huge impact for us, since we have been together all these years... now, I miss my best friend in class, I miss explaining her the lecture, laughing about nothing, hugging her any time I want, seeing her every day, gossiping about the new couple at school, I MISS HER!!

Baby, you are my best friend because you love me for exactly who I am, my good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty. Even in my worst days, you never leave me standing alone in the rain and I LOVE YOU for that! My life have been so much easier, fun, and just great because of YOU!

I LOVE YOU FROM HERE TO PLUTO!

XOXO

-Camille