Been Away: An Update on my Life

I'm really sorry for my absence in the blog, I know I should have uploaded my Senior memories like a week ago, but...well, no matter how many excuses I give you, I'd be still feeling guilty.

I've got some updates about My life lately:

-Became friends with the guy I dated for two months, Awkward at times, but still he's the only one who gets me calm when I feel like shit....and I believe we now are truly JUST friends, no kidding. He says I'm shameless on everything I do, and I guess he's right, I'm just not afraid to say whatever I got on my mind, or to be open and social...but I do know I need to start FILTERING my opinions...oops!

-Still feel like shit at times, 'cause even if I don't want to have a bad taste of guys, I just can't get enough, and I want to be dating one again. I guess it's a plain physical need, not like sex or else, but a hug and a kiss to make me feel needed. I WANT A SEXY MAN!! (lol)

-The situation in Japan makes me feel really bad and sad; I really wish I could cry, but even if I feel a knot in my chest, no tears come out. -.- It's frustrating. Anyways, all of my prayers are with them, and I'm asking God, to please, show all of His mercy with the world, it's getting harder to live in everyday: Natural disasters and intolerance is killing all of us, insecurity is just getting worse everyday.

-I'm overwhelmed over the fact that the way my life is going is making me feel stupid for two reasons:

*I've been neglecting my work and my duties as a teenager: I'm not doing all of my job at school and I feel useless when it comes to doing my part at home...I feel like I'm the one who's guilty of the economic crisis at home, my parents are paying for my excursion and lots of other stuff we've been needing here; and still I am just a weight for them asking for money all the time.

*I'm URGING a CHANGE in my life, and I don't mean a change like having a guy by my side, even though that's a big part of it, but also that I feel quite like a SLOTH (or as I say in spanish: "MORSA" or walrus.) I want to start working out at the gym, but there's no money and it's quite expensive, and they say I should work out at home, but I'm just to lazy, I can't work out if I'm not under pressure -.-...and I want also to change something about my physical aspect, like the way I have my hair (haircut) or the color of it (dye it) but I just can't think of anything I could dare to do that goes beyond getting bangs...which needs lots of work if I want it to look nice. REMEMBER: I'm the brunette with long wavy hair, which makes it hard to keep it under control lately.

I realize that all of this is MY FAULT, really I NEED A CHANGE, otherwise...things will be only getting worse and more messed up in my life.

OK, so...I can't think about other details I should be telling you from my life, right now, but SERIOUSLY I promess not to be so absent or to wait so long before I share my experiences with you.

and to conclude my life update: I LOVE MY BEST TRUE FRIENDS CAMILLE, IZZIE AND CLAIRE SO MUCH!!

with love, XOXO,

-EMMA!! :D

P.S.: I wish the one of the picture was me, but I'm sorry to disappoint you guys, I don't have a tattoo, or at least I haven't dare to do one; but please understand: it goes against my ethical point of view and we're talking about something that is forever, which is a lot! I'm still doubting if this is my final say. :O

I'm Here For You

That feeling when you can't do anything for the ones you love...

That feeling when you can't give that someone the thing they need to feel fine...

That feeling is worst than being that someone that is hurt.

-Camille

BTFs Forever&Always

I will never forget your face the first day of fourth grade... GOD! You scare the hell out of me. However, I realize you haven't change a bit. Always so grateful, kind, friendly, extrovert, happy, etc. I guess your personality is crucial for our friendship....

We've been friends since we were 10 years old, and honestly I can't find someone that understands me better than you. We know everything about each other, we know our dreams, our fears, our favorite stuff, hobby, food, etc. Seriously, like you say: We are soul mates. My soul sister :):)

This New Year I want to start it as good as I can, and this means to be good with you. We can laugh, have fun, enjoy, be crazy, seem perfect, but we also cry, get mad, and most of all: fight. You know what's great about these fights? Our reconciliations... these reconciliations which prove us that we can't be without each other, the ones that show us the power of our friendship, the loyalty, the love between each other.

The consequences of these fights can be big... lets not make them reach us. This 2011 let's not fight that much, let's pray God to give us patience, to give us happiness, to give us love. Let's ask Him for better things, let's ask Him to become better people. You know what my wish this year was? To make our friendship bigger and bigger each day, to become more Best True Friends than we are, to have more of each other, to never let this die.

When I met you I never imagine that you'll become as special as you are for me now... I LOVE YOU BTF, you are my sister, you are my world, if something happens to you, I know I would die. WOW! What a friendship! ILY GIRL!

Here in Bennett, Cali, Colombia, is just the two of us, we are the ones that share the most, the ones that are like ONE SAME BODY... LOL, and we need to share THIS again. Accept my New Year's present and let's make of this 2011 THE BEST YEAR OF OUR LIVES!

Lot's of X'S and O's

-Me, Camille

Happy Birthday to Me!!

YAY!! Today is my seventeenth Birthday... Today is suppose to be full of joy and happiness, and believe me, it is full of it. There is Izzie, Emma, my sister, my parents, my family and rest of friends to be with me. However, I can't help remembering the people that is not with me today, the people I have loved and still love, and I want to write something for them:

• Grandma: I miss you... even though we are not strongly connected, I wish you were here... I wish God hadn't take you away from me so soon. I remember my Birthdays with you, just seen you was the greatest happiness, just hearing your voice was enough to say: I had the best Birthday ever... trust me, it's true.
• Tiago: I hope you were here with me!! But I'm happy you are happy on Canada... I hope you have the best of the times over there.
• Pipe: IDK how to begin... I love you very much, and I hope you were here, giving me cake! :):) I miss you with all of my heart and I will love you to be here with me! MUAH
• Uncle: The fight between you and my dad, believe it or not, have really hurt me. I need you this day, at Christmas, and just the rest of the year. I need my WHOLE family again, united... I hope you will visit me or at least call me... I hope you still love me and think on me.
• YOU: Yes... you are still with me, but not the same way you were my last Birthday when we went buying my gift together, when you still love me the way I do... I just want you to know that this "friendship" we have... maybe is not what I want, but it's enough to have you at least 5 minutes of the day by my side, Thanks for that.
• Claire: Last but not least... and not even getting near from that. I just don't know what to say, I don't know how to express how much I miss you and how much I want you today with me. I love you are living your dream, and that makes me happy. You are my sister, and you know you will always be. I love you BTF

With nothing else to write, I wish myself a very HAPPY Birthday and I hope you enjoy it! I will have a piece of cake for you... just kidding!

Love,

-Camille

LOVE IS IN THE AIR…

…and I knew there was more people in the room, but that didn’t matter. For that instant it was only he and I. The way he looked at me, the way he talked to me, his smile…I was in the middle of the biggest frenzy I’ve had in my whole life…I didn't know what to say or do…his eyes were just too distracting, I could barely understand what he was saying…but I got the most important phrase of his speech, “can I be your boyfriend?” he said. It only took 5 words, one question to brake me down completely…I had to use all of my attention and energy to focus myself, only to find out I couldn’t remember how to speak…All of me was needed to nod my head and hold his hand…

Yes Yes!!! I have a boyfriend…he is amazing, and I’m SO happy :D I wish all of you have a wonderful week…and for you to feel soon the love in the air…

-Claire

STILL BROKEN... STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU

When you have loved and they have broke your heart, sometimes, you're not longer capable of loving again. You are scared of someone hurting you that way, that you decide not to love someone else. So you don't give a second chance to you heart, and you start concluding that everyone is the same, and that love doesn't exists... you have loved so madly that when you're not longer loved, you break down into pieces, just remaining a little piece of you and nothing else... just that.

-Camille

GOING BACK IS IMPOSSIBLE, BUT MAKING A MISTAKE ISN'T

We all wish our life had an undo button. We all have been in that situation saying “why did I do that”, “I shouldn’t have said that”, “I could have done much better”, etc…

And even if those phrases were as simple as “I should have studied for that test” or as meaningful as “why did I say I love you”, the feeling is the same, you just wish you could go back and fix everything, do it all over again, after all, everybody deserves a second chance right? But (quoting a song I love) “you don’t get another chance, life is no Nintendo game”.

That moment when you fall, that moment you said something that got you in trouble, that thing you did that hurt someone, that question you didn’t know how to answer…you, now, know how to react for those things, but somehow you wish you had knew better before. Before that mistake, before that fight, before that failure…you wish you could go back and tell yourself what’s the right thing to do…but you can’t, and you get sad, frustrated, angry, etc. remembering that moment once and twice; that 2 minutes that changed your life forever.

Recently I’ve been in that situation, a lot. I got into a fight with my mom because out of anger I said something I shouldn’t. I got my heart broken for rushing that “I like you” that was answered with an “I don’t”. I disappointed myself by missing a huge opportunity because I didn't practice my audition routine enough, and if I could go back I’ll do it all perfect this time (the way it should have been)…I’ll change that “I don’t need you” for an “I love you mom”, I’ll shut up my feelings for that guy, and I’ll definitively practice that monologue so much, I could act it in my sleep.

But since I can't and none of you can't, we resign ourselves with just the fact that we are wiser now, and hopefully we won’t mess up again in the future. Because sure, people can forgive you, but things are never the same as they were before, and sure, you have more opportunities in life, but you missed the once you wanted, and sure, you will find another significant other, but your heart will be cautious forever.

-Claire

I'M HERE. YOU'RE THERE... IS THAT SUPPOSE TO BE OK?

Missing someone isn't about how long has been since you've seen them the last time or the amount of time since you last talked. It's about that very moment when you're doing something and you wish that they were right there with you.

If missing me is hard... try missing you.

I Love You

-Camille

10/10/10: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!

For all those times you stood by me

For all the truth that you made me see

For all the joy you brought to my life

For all the wrong that you made right

For every dream you made come true

For all the love I found in you

I'll be forever thankful baby

You're the one who held me up

Never let me fall

You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn't speak

You were my eyes when I couldn't see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach

You gave me faith 'coz you believed

I'm everything I am

Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly

You touched my hand I could touch the sky

I lost my faith, you gave it back to me

You said no star was out of reach

You stood by me and I stood tall

I had your love I had it all

I'm grateful for each day you gave me

Maybe I don't know that much

But I know this much is true

I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were always there for me

The tender wind that carried me

A light in the dark shining your love into my life

You've been my inspiration

Through the lies you were the truth

My world is a better place because of you

I'm everything I am

Because you loved me

-Celine Dion-

Today is your day MOM! I just want to wish you the best! I hope God bless you and wish you by my side during A LOT MORE years... I LOVE YOU, YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING :):)

XOXO

-Camille

ENDLESS

You must be wondering why our blog has been renamed Claire & Camille; well is NOT because we are not still four BTFs, it’s just because Camille and I are the most dedicated BTFs with the blog.

However, it started with Emma’s and Camille’s horrible fight. A couple of weeks ago Emma and Camille were having problems, at first it was a fight but then it turned more serious; they were ignoring each other, not talking anymore, etc. It was so hard for me to hear that the only two BTFs that where close (in distance) were fighting. I heard very awful phrases such as “everything is coming to an end” and “there’s nothing left to do” I was so sad I even cried one day. We are four BTFs, I mean if our group separates that would be as odd as a three legged dog, or a three wheel car.

Hope is the last thing you should lose, that’s why every day I kept praying Emma and Camille could work things out, because: what could be so bad to ruin such a strong friendship? A friendship that has been getting stronger through 10 years. The thing is that it wasn't just ONE reason, there were many little reasons that were accumulated for a long time and they all exploded just now.

Thankfully they love each other and finally (after what felt like forever) they work things out. They just had to remember that our friendship and love for each other is so tight, strong and unbreakable that nothing can get over that.

So, even though everything is back to normal again, since Camille and I are the most passionate about this blog we decided to stick to the new name, which doesn’t mean we won’t keep you updated on Izzie’s and Emma’s anecdotes. LOL

-Claire